At Second City, having a blast is mandatory... and so is staying safe.
It has been some time since we have officially updated our list of Disney offenses. Recently, the controversial children’s entertainment company announced that its first openly homosexual character will appear in the new live-action telling of “Beauty and the Beast.”
We were shocked—that is, until we examined other Disney films—and we couldn’t believe what we found. In light of our recent discoveries, we have developed a list of the truly un-American and immoral offenses in Disney movies, both animated and live-action.
As a decent American, please read and boycott accordingly.
- Human/beast interspecies relationships
- Seashell bosom covers that honestly could fall off at any point
- Most of the cast of “The Princess and the Frog”
- Three presumably lesbian fairies living together in the woods
- Glorification of stealing the Declaration of Independence
- An illegal immigrant stray Chihuahua
- Vin Diesel as a babysitter
- Anti-American sentiments in “Pocahontas”
- Literally everything about “Hannah Montana” that we should’ve spotted from the get-go
- Uncle Albert’s drug use
- Polygamy amongst dwarves
- Anti-Second Amendment sentiments in "Bambi"
- Sorcery/witchcraft/Angela Lansbury of any variety
- Normalization of Middle Eastern people and genies
- A seriously freaky Friday
- Normalization of talking snowmen
- Normalization of female rabbit cops
- Normalization of lost boys
- Rastafarian crabs
- The unclear nature of two male chipmunks' relationship
- A gluttonous, effeminate bear
- Cocaine usage in inner-Hundred Acre Woods
- Big summer blowouts
- Shrunken children
- Randy Newman
- Giant homicide
- A probably bisexual mouse
We are currently working to expand this list with about a thousand more updates.
Thank you, and have a blessed day.
The American Family Association
Joseph Thomas (@jtscatcat) lives in Savannah, Tennessee.