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Parts of My Body That Look Like the Donuts I Eat

By The Second City, Julie Marchiano | Jun 3, 2016

I love donuts, so if “you are what you eat,” then National Donut Day on Friday, June 3rd should be called National Me Day. I don’t say this lightly, and I don’t mean this to be self-deprecating. I am in full celebration of the fact that parts of my body straight-up look like donuts.

Allow me to illustrate:

My Head

…is a chocolate frosted cake donut. We have the same haircut, and the same big hole in the middle where all of our ideas go!

SCN_DONUT_DAY_2016_1440X823

My Arms

…are Long Johns. They’re puffy, and sometimes there’s bacon on them.

longjohn

My Belly Button

…is a French cruller, because I lost a bunch of weight, but then I gained it back so the skin around there looks sort of twisted when I sit down.

SONY DSC

My Legs

…are a Glazed Twist. A little lumpy, a little flaky. I have dry skin!

galzedtwist

My Feet

…are Bear Claws. This probably seems like an easy connection, but my feet truly look like that!

My Hoo-Has

…are Apple Fritters. I mean, those things are a mess.

fritter

My Butthole

…looks like this. For real.

 bostoncream

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Julie Marchiano is for SURE celebrating National Donut Day today with a gluten-free donut. She is also performing in A Red Line Runs Through It at The Second City, on June 3rd and forever.

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