Throw the hottest farewell bash this 366-day sh!tstorm could possibly ask for.
I love Father’s Day. It’s the touching story of Robin Williams and Billy Crystal going on a cross-country road trip to determine who impregnated Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
Turns out, it’s also a holiday.
So today, sit silently (Is one day of silence too much to ask!?!?!) next to your beloved parent and watch these five Father’s Day classics.
1. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
Because your father is your partner in crime.
Sometimes it can feel like it’s you and your dad against the world. This is especially true when your dad angers the world by refusing to play by its rules. I can’t tell you how many cans of Dr. Pepper I’ve smuggled into movie theaters.
You’re the talent (because of your youth and ability to stand without groaning) and Dad is the brains (because of his years and years and years of experience). If you follow your Dad’s sage and well thought out advice, you can turn out as successful as Butch and Sundance!
Moral: When your Dad says go someplace like Bolivia, you go someplace like Bolivia!
2. A Few Good Men
Because your parents don’t know and they don’t want to know.
Of course your dad isn’t just your friend, he is also your authority figure… luckily, he’s usually an authority figure who likes to keep things off the books.
Sure, he’ll make a big show of being “outraged” when you and your friends dump the rival school mascot into the reservoir, but he is silently high-fiving you with his eyes while he’s screaming at you with his mouth.
Moral: Somewhere deep down in places you don’t talk about in parent teacher conferences, you want me sneaking out, you need me borrowing the car and returning it with an empty tank!
3. The Jungle Book
Because your old man isn’t made of money!
It turns out, he isn’t cheap; he’s teaching you how to survive with just the bare necessities.
When it was his turn to cook, he made sandwiches– because hot food is for the 1%. When it was his turn to do laundry, he taught you that dish soap could be a viable alternative to big detergent. Why go clothes shopping? You already have a pair of pants!
Moral: The next time your father goes on and on about much it costs to have your teeth fixed, just pretend he is doing it in a jaunty tune!
Because Fatherhood is a ridiculous institution.
Honestly, the whole idea of being a parent is ludicrous. You have to be a sober, taxpaying citizen with good credit to get a bank loan, but being irresponsible and inebriated will actually increase your chances of owning a human being. Your father finds this pretty hilarious.
Some people react to major incidents (like airplane crashes, or your first crush actually talking to you) with seriousness and thought. Your dad, on the other hand, will just see this as another opportunity to embarrass you with a pun.
Moral: Surely, your father won’t turn every situation into a lame joke. Of course he will and…
5. Scent of a Woman
Because your dad deserves a nice day out.
Is it a good idea to let a blind man drive a sports car down the streets of a major city? Nope.
Is it a good idea to let your 60-year-old dad eat a 14 lb. steak for dinner with a dessert of more steak? Nope.
Some might say this movie is an important reflection on what the older generation can teach us about responsibility and facing up to one’s actions, but I think the real take away is that Al Pacino is having the time of his life. It’s his special day! Let him endanger himself and others.
Moral: If you thought he was going to stop at three hot dogs this weekend… he’s just getting warmed up! Hoo-ah!
Some of you may have noticed that these are not “traditional’ Father’s Day movies, as none of them show “an actual father/offspring relationship.”
That’s because there is no way any 5 movies could sum of up this special day. Every father is different. Some kids have two fathers. Some kids are raised by uncles or grandfathers. Some kids have no father, but have a heck of a mom or two.
I just listed these 5 because they are my dad’s favorite movies, and they speak to our relationship. Hopefully, reading this will remind you of the special and unique bond you have with the person you share this day with.
I also wrote it because I forgot to get him a present.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY!
C.J. Tuor is a graduate of The Second City Conservatory and performs every Saturday night at 9 PM in the DeMaat Theatre with Moxie, A Second City Training Center Ensemble. C.J. also performs at The Annoyance Theatre in Hitch*Cocktails.