In this conversation, Kelly welcomes best-selling author Daniel Coyle back to the podcast. His new book, “Flourish: The Art of Building Meaning, Joy and Fulfillment,” emphasizes the significance of meaningful moments in life, particularly in fostering relationships and collaboration. He discusses how these moments often occur during ritual-like pauses where individuals reflect on their purpose and connection to something greater. This reflection allows for deeper engagement and collaboration among individuals, ultimately leading to more meaningful relationships. 

What sent you on this flourishing journey? 

“The reason was that I was about 55, I lost both my mom and dad, and it’s kind of a short succession unexpectedly. And we know that’s gonna happen to most of us in the world, all of us in the world will go through that, but it knocks you to the ground. And I felt knocked to the ground during that time. I came across this quote from Barry Schwartz, a psychologist, who said, ‘Most people think life is a treasure hunt. They are mistaken. It’s actually a treasure creation.’ And so that distinction just really resonated with me because I had been going through as a writer, somebody who was going after the next project, I was pretty good hunter. But I didn’t know how good of a creator I was. And so, it just kind of sent me on this journey.” 

I think this is where metaphors play a more important part, both sometimes positively, but often negatively. And the ladder is one of those metaphors. This like, oh, you’re climbing the ladder. And it’s like, yeah, the problem with that is what happens when you get to the top, because there’s only one place to go and that’s down. 

“Exactly, exactly right. And we see that in our culture. Even though it’s a success, I don’t think it quite feels the same as it did a few years ago. And I think the thing that we’re realizing is there is this hollowness at the center of a lot of success. And what we really are trying to create in our communities, I think it’s not like a machine or a ladder. It’s an ecosystem. And every ecosystem, they’re not random. They function according to rule, right? They’re an interdependent connection. They are places of growth. They are places of meaning.” 

And you were surprised by what you found when you visited these flourishing spaces, right? 

“And because when I went to visit these flourishing places, originally, I thought I would find places that were all about action and answers and certainty. And what I found was that there were places that were really about pausing and they were about kind of asking questions and kind of exploring uncertainty together, like stepping into uncertainty together. That’s powerful, right? We’re going to try something, we don’t know exactly what’s going to happen, but if we move into it together, we can kind of shape it ourselves.” 

Photo Credit: Katie Coyle