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Where to Shop Instead of Mean Old Abercrombie & Fitch

By Liz Kozak | May 9, 2013

Something unsavory’s been creeping across our news feeds lately: a bunch of anti-ugly-and-fat-people comments made by Abercrombie & Fitch CEO of Nightmares, Mike Jeffries. He’s quoted as saying the following:


            “Candidly, we go after the cool kids. We go after the attractive

            all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends…

            Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”


How dare you, sir? How dare you explode the internet with such vile, insensitive, hate-mongering? The kind of words that make the young and the middle-aged and even the sweet grandparents out shopping for cruise wear feel disgustingly worthless?

Why would you say such cruel things?!

Because everyone else is thoughtful enough to just imply it.

Here’s where to shop if you prefer your “For Sexy People Only” messaging served up silently.


Victoria’s Secret


Undies ‘n stuff for sexy tweens, teens and Party Moms. Wait, I mean, for everybody. And Every Body. I know, I know. This place is an easy target. Let’s try somewhere more exotic…



Stylish Europeans would never champion a superficial ideal the way A&F does. Besides, NO ONE does heroin chic anymore, right? Shoot.


Okay, when I think “railroad,” I think more like hobos and boxcars and a bandana bag full of taters and beans tied to the end of a stick.


The Gap

I hear you. What about guys? Guys get objectified, too! I believe it was the esteemed American philosopher Ryan Gosling who said, “Be better than the Gap.” Really? Better than this?


Boyfriend looks like Nate Berks and his hottie fiancé had a baby (Yes, please. Go science!), and that baby grew up to be super-good at putting his hand in his pocket(s).

Men, do you pose like this? Are your eyebrows this come-hithery? No???



Fact: Here is who shops at Chico’s:



Fact: Here is the model pictured on their website:



Lane Bryant

Lane Bryant is an actual plus-sized store. And yet, does this Hilary Duff/Vanessa Lachey-alike look plus-sized to you?


Oh, Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries. Maybe you just said out loud what literally every other store in America is thinking.

Or maybe you’re just a mean old jerkface whose hoodies and flip flops no one wants to wear, anyways.


Liz Kozak (Editor) is a writer in Chicago who would take commas and hyphens over cake and ice cream any day. She also contributes regularly at The Huffington Post and blogs about stuff at Follow Liz: @LizKoz

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