Select Your Location

Undercover Spreadsheets Sex Data

By The Second City | Mar 19, 2014

Mobile technology has led to a breakthrough in the types of data your phone is able to gather. Using an iPhone’s gyroscope, for example, an app like Sleep Cycle can measure your sleeping patterns and wake you up after reaching your proper amount of REM. Data proliferation is spawning new industries and has seemingly unending potential.

Spreadsheets, available in the iTunes store uses your iPhone’s sensors to measure sexual activity. After granting access to your phone’s microphone and internal sensors, Spreadsheets can accurately compute the length of your sessions, number of thrusts, and overall stamina.

Users of Spreadsheets can chart their sexual profess and even unlock achievements over time as a reward for good performance. To save space and cut down on download time, however, Spreadsheets had to delete a number of these achievements. The Second City Network has uncovered the following undercover data trackers that were left on the cutting room floor:


What achievements are still out there to discover and unlock? Tell us @SecondCityNetwk.
We’ll probably regret this…


Greg Ott is an actor, writer and comedian who recently finished his latest tenure aboard the Norwegian Breakaway. Follow his pictures at




Hilarious Right? Follow the Second City For More