Perfect Starbucks™ Drink Pairings for Racially Tense Moments

By The Second City | Mar 20, 2015

Starbucks announced a new campaign earlier this week called “Race Together,” where baristas are encouraged to start conversations about race relations and current events with customers because that’s obviously a great idea.

In the spirit of this campaign, here are some suggestions for which drinks to pair with those racially tense moments in our lives. Conversations about race don’t always go down easy, but these delicious Starbucks™ beverages always do.

Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate: Reading 'The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn'

caramel

Listening to white classmates gleefully say the n-word with the teacher’s permission is often the first racially tense moment people face. Since Mark Twain’s words might be forced down your throat before your taste for coffee is fully developed, choose Salted Caramel Hot Chocolate. It’s a delicious beverage for any age and any palate. The playful blend of chocolate and salted caramel pair well with the beads of sweat that roll down your face as you wait to find out if Chad is going to put on a N**** Jim voice to read aloud.

Featured Dark Roast: Driving While Black

darkroast

Coffee, as we know it, was invented in the 13th century. The phrase “Driving While Black” emerged around the same time. Getting pulled over as a black person in America can be a harrowing experience. When you’re worried about keeping your hands on the wheel, the last thing on your mind is your beverage. Keep it simple with Starbucks™ Featured Dark Roast. With its full body and lush mouthfeel, one cup will keep you satisfied as Officer O’Malley runs your plates.

Teavana® Shaken Iced Passion Tango™ Teas : Building Homes in Africa

passion

“Voluntourism” (volunteering + tourism) takes you to far-flung locales, and those long days in tropical climes can leave you parched–as can reconciling your white savior guilt as you build churches in West Africa.

Why not grab a Teavana® Shaken Iced Passion Tango ™ Tea and savor its hibiscus and natural tropical flavors? Lie back and relax as you watch the people you’re supposed to be helping fix the work you did that day because you’re not a contractor. You’re a voluntourist. With a thirst for this lightly sweetened iced tea.

Espresso: Black History Month

espresso

 Because it’s the shortest month and the smallest drink.

Golden Ginger Ale Fizzio™ Handcrafted Soda: Election of the First Black President

ginger

 A rare moment of racial triumph, this epic first deserves a bubbly and sweet beverage. The Golden Ginger Fizzo™ soda, with its unique blend of ginger and brown sugar, reflects Obama’s mixed ethnic heritage. The warming effect of ginger will keep you toasty inside as you toast this inspiring victory in Grant Park. And just like Barack Obama, we’re not exactly sure where this drink is from…but that doesn’t matter, because it’s so delicious!

Sanford Flor de Campo Pinot Noir: Ferguson

pinot

Some Starbucks locations now serve wine. Go find those Starbucks and drink all that wine.

Right now.

White Chocolate Mocha Frappucino® Blended Coffee: Iggy Azalea's 'The New Classic' Tour

frapp

White chocolate is not chocolate, as it does not contain cocoa solids–the primary nutritional constituent of chocolate. During the manufacturing process, the dark-colored solids of the cocoa bean are separated from its fatty content. White chocolate contains only trace amounts of caffeine, while lacking the antioxidant properties of chocolate, such as thiamine, riboflavin, and phenylethylamine.

 Ali Barthwell is a member of the Second City Touring company. She can be found watching The Bachelor and tweeting about it @wtflanksteak.

Images via starbucks.com and Wikimedia Commons

Hilarious Right? Follow the Second City For More