In this podcast episode, Kelly interviews Juan Bendana, a speaker and author of ‘Confident by Choice.’ They discuss the impact of early experiences on self-esteem, the importance of building a relationship with fear and discomfort, and how confidence is shaped by our experiences rather than innate traits. Juan shares insights on the confidence cycle, the significance of self-efficacy, and the power of small changes in personal transformation. The conversation emphasizes the role of storytelling, play, and self-compassion in learning and growth, culminating in Juan’s personal ‘Yes, And‘ moment that sparked his journey of transformation. 

Your book opens with a teacher saying a really terrible thing to you. 

“It was one of those things that she said when I was a kid, and I carried that with me for years. You know, she said, ‘Communication is a gift you’re born with, and you don’t have it. You can’t even communicate. I suggest you pursue a career that requires you to do so. I’m giving you a grade to pass mostly because I don’t want to see you again.’ And, as a kid, you internalize those things; you take those things to heart. And then I carried them for years after my run in with her. And it’s funny how oftentimes someone can give us a comment or an insecurity and then we take it on and we’re like, great, I’ll carry this for the next decade, or for a season of your life or into the next career. It was one of those pivotal moments where years later I was like, wow, I’m still thinking about what Miss H said in English class. This is crazy.” 

But you had another teacher – a drama teacher – who saw something in you. 

“I grew up just outside of Toronto. I was often the first Juan people had ever met. When you’re different, sometimes you interpret that as being wrong. I never felt like I belonged in any one category. So, I would sort of chameleon to fit into every category. I would hang out with friends that were on the soccer team and the football team. And then I had friends that were in drama class and, actually, in improv. And then I became the coach of the improv team. And it was my drama teacher, Mrs. P, that was the encouraging voice that told me like, ‘Hey, you actually have something here.’ But it was a pretty hard initial journey to navigate because people look at me and think like their name is Juan, but you look like a Brandon.” 

This is such an improv thing, but you talk a lot about how you need to make friends with discomfort. 

“How do you sit in that moment when you don’t know what the next few months are going to look like? How do you sit in that moment where you’re not sure if this is going to go one way or the other? I talk about this idea of practicing courage because I don’t think courage is a destination you reach. I think it’s a muscle you train. It’s something you develop where sometimes we get to a level of success when success does not beget more success. Often, it begets complacency because you get to that certain level, and then you downshift, you coast and you put it on cruise control. So, I think reminding ourselves to pursue discomfort; to pursue challenge; to pursue things outside of what you find comfortable: that’s where all the growth lies. That’s where the next level is for most people.” 

Photo Credit: Ty Farrago