Kelly talks with psychologist Dr. Adam Dorsay about how connection is our path to a happy and meaningful life. Adam’s latest book is Super Psyched: Unleash the Power of the 4 Types of Connection and Live the Life You Love. 

Adam, we know each other a bit, but I didn’t know that you were in improv classes for a couple of years. 

“I did two years of improv training, and I was terrified. One of my buddies said, ‘Adam, you got to do it.’ And I just sat on that idea for a year or two and finally summoned the courage to do it because like everybody, I thought you have to be funny and blah, blah, blah, blah. Turned out it was the safest swimming pool of all time. And it was like a warm hug from everybody in the room. And it was so encouraging. It was absolutely revolutionary in my life. It made me a better presenter, made me a better friend, made me a better father. Ultimately just the skills that I got, of course, made me a better therapist.  I cannot say enough good things about what improv is all about.” 

The book is called Super Psyched and it’s about the power of connection, which is fascinating since we are living in seemingly the most and least time of connection ever. 

“Yeah, the paradox of modern living. We’re more connected than ever and less connected than ever.  And the book is not about toxic positivity. That’s the other thing that’s important to get across. I love that you bring that up because sometimes people might incorrectly infer that the idea of super psyched means, you know, walking around as if you’re happy all the time. No, it’s not about that. It means super connected to our psyches, whatever our psyches are telling us.” 

Being “seen” is another complex idea, right? 

“Being seen is a really interesting concept. We want it but have very mixed feelings about being seen. We want to be known in this lifetime. And yet as James Cordova talks about with regard to intimacy, I love his definition of intimacy: It’s vulnerability met well. We want to be known. And yet, we have to be able to sit with being known because sometimes the things that are reflected back at us, good or bad will feel uncomfortable. We may want to, you know, tell somebody, ‘Hey, Kelly, my god, I’m such a loser.’ Because I don’t want you to say it to me first. So, I’ll, you know, take the piss out of it and basically tell you my horrible depiction of self, lest you say it to me. But at the same time, we want to be known. We want to be known for our strengths. We want to be known for our vulnerabilities. We want to be loved for who we are.”