Congrats to all the 2022 nominees!
Earlier this week, telepathic presidential candidate Donald Trump mentioned to supporters in Tennessee that he has a keen ability to predict big things. Like terrorism. Similar to his knack for sniffing out profitable real estate locations, Trump claims that he "can feel it like I feel a good location ... I really believe I have an instinct for this kind of thing.” Really? Yeah, really. And we were able to pin him down on some more of his mind-exploding predictions for the future.
Donald Trump's List of Stuff that WILL Happen. Real Soon.
- A professional basketball team named The Basketball Donalds will join the NBA in 2019.
- A plant will be discovered in the Amazon that eats people.
- Ice cream sandwiches will be crowned America's national treat.
- The Basketball Donalds will file for Chapter 11 in 2020.
- Trump will be married five times before self-cryopreserving.
- The people-eating Amazonian plant will visit Trump in a dream and suggest a very, very tasty lucrative business investment. #flaminghotpringles
- Trump will "come around" to Oreos again.
- Shoes will see a major advancement within 5 years. Major.
- Trump will executive produce and star in a popular E! reality show called Me, My Mansion and The Three Ex-Basketball Donalds Who Had to Move In with Me & Melania in 2021.
- Safe zones in war-torn countries will become major tourist destinations, selling record-breaking amounts of Trump Ice Cream Sandwiches©.
The future looks pretty great, you guys.
Andrew Thorp is a writer, director and performer in Chicago. He is online education program head for The Second City Training Center Chicago and produces comedy shows via Thorpedo Productions.