Clairvoyant Predictions from Future President Donald Trump

Earlier this week, telepathic presidential candidate Donald Trump mentioned to supporters in Tennessee that he has a keen ability to predict big things. Like terrorism. Similar to his knack for sniffing out profitable real estate locations, Trump claims that he "can feel it like I feel a good location ... I really believe I have an instinct for this kind of thing.” Really? Yeah, really. And we were able to pin him down on some more of his mind-exploding predictions for the future.

Donald Trump's List of Stuff that WILL Happen. Real Soon.

• A professional basketball team named The Basketball Donalds will join the NBA in 2019.
• A plant will be discovered in the Amazon that eats people.
• Ice cream sandwiches will be crowned America's national treat.
• The Basketball Donalds will file for Chapter 11 in 2020.
• Trump will be married five times before self-cryopreserving.
• The people-eating Amazonian plant will visit Trump in a dream and suggest a very, very tasty lucrative business investment. #flaminghotpringles
• Trump will "come around" to Oreos again. 
• Shoes will see a major advancement within 5 years. Major.
• Trump will executive produce and star in a popular E! reality show called Me, My Mansion and The Three Ex-Basketball Donalds Who Had to Move In with Me & Melania in 2021.
• Safe zones in war-torn countries will become major tourist destinations, selling record-breaking amounts of Trump Ice Cream Sandwiches©. 

The future looks pretty great, you guys.

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Andrew Thorp is a writer, director and performer in Chicago. He is online education program head for The Second City Training Center Chicago and produces comedy shows via Thorpedo Productions.