Harper Lee’s Rejected Book Proposals

You didn’t think “Go Set a Watchman” was her first idea, did you?

Title: “To Roast a Mockingbird”

Genre: Southern Cooking

Editor’s Notes: Harper, recipe sounds good, though don’t think quite enough for entire book. Chapter on grits was inspired, though a little pedantic—I believe a description as “hot, cheese mush” would suffice. 

Title: “What to Expect When You’re Expecting People to Call You a One-Hit Wonder and Question Your Credibility as an Author Even Though You Wrote One of the Most Widely Loved Novels of All Time”

Genre: Self Help

Editor’s Notes: A little convoluted.

Title: “How to Kill a Mockingbird Without Injuring Eternity”

Genre: Transcendentalist Hunting

Editor’s Notes: Personally, I think Thoreau was a hack, but this particular sub-genre is really booming right now (see success of I Went to the Woods Because I Wished to Live Deliberately and Also Go Bow Hunting, or I Celebrate Myself and Sing Myself and Then I Sing a Song to the Animal I Just Killed and Then I Sing About Venison! Have heard they are scripting the latter for Broadway). 

Title: “To Kill a Mockingjay”

Genre: Graphic Novel

Editor’s Notes: I just have a gut feeling that this will read as immensely unoriginal by publication time.

Title: “In Cold Blood”

Genre: True Crime

Editor’s Notes: Fantastic. I’m fully on board. Let me know what Truman thinks, we’ll move forward from there.

Title: “To Bone Your Neighbor’s Wife and Then Murder a Bunch of People”

Genre: Young Adult

Editor’s Notes: “Atticus always said it was a sin to bone your neighbor’s wife and then murder a bunch of people,” strikes me as a good thematic line, but I wonder if there’s not a way to reframe it for a younger audience. Also, why does he need to be always saying this–at first glance, reads as redundant.   

Title: “Crush Pu$$y, Take Names”

Genre: Autobiography

Editor’s Notes: Print it.

(If you can’t wait until to July to get your hot little hands on Harper Lee’s “Go Set a Watchman,” might we suggest another title to tide you over? Yes, And is available now.)

Carley Moseley is a Chicago-based writer and performer who is very excited and a little nervous about Harper Lee’s new book.