Classic Literature Explained Via Classic Hashtags

Who among us has actually read an actual book since the early aughts? Nonetheless, these paper artifacts played some important role in our society at some point (probably), so let’s pay homage to these adorable relics by feigning interest in the Great American Novel.

In honor of today being National Read a Book Day, here is an easy breakdown of our nation’s literary classics explained in a tweetable 140 characters (or less)…so you can act like you’ve read the American canon without having to be functionally literate.

The Catcher in the Rye

• Manic pixie dream boy goes on quest & feels all the feels #WhiteMalePrivilege

The Fountainhead

• Architect rants for 40 pages about working hard #Mansplaining

To Kill a Mockingbird

• Kids with hipster names solve mystery; learn about #ShitWhitePeopleSay

The Grapes of Wrath

• Drought, depression & dust #BreastIsBest #FreeTheNipple

The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

• A tour of Donald Trump’s America #MakeAmericaHateAgain

The Jungle

• Conditions for low-wage laborers haven’t improved much in the last century #ThanksObama #GetRichOrDieTrying

The Awakening

• Woman can’t even, so she doesn’t #ImWithHer

Moby Dick

• How to lose a whale in 1 voyage #Blackfish

The Sun Also Rises

• Americans in Europe get lit #SquadGoals

Their Eyes Were Watching God

• Fiercely independent woman finds true love but has to kill him cuz he contracts rabies #LoveWins #LeanIn

Thanks, National Read a Book Day, for rekindling our love of classics we never plan to read!

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Jessica Besser-Rosenberg is a Chicago-based writer, improviser, and stand-up comedian and performs regularly at iO. Follow her at @JessGBR.