Which New Catchphrase Will Get Trump Out Of This Mess?

By C.J. Tuor | Jul 12, 2017

With more Russian evidence coming to light–and every other country deleting the USA from their contact list–things look pretty bad for president-deflect Trump.

However, thanks to The Donald’s ability to create and spread killer catchphrases, “Real Citizens” are too busy “Making America Great Again” to listen to “Fake News” created by “Snowflakes,” “Social Justice Warriors,” and “Bloody Face Mika.” Maybe if we “Lock Her Up” and “Build the Wall,” these “Nothing Burger” stories will finally “Covfefe.”

See! you can’t argue with that! Here is the next set of Trump catchphrases you should expect to read and hashtag in place of actual debate or explanation:


The current GOP spin says there is nothing wrong with working with an awesome guy like Putin to take down a square like Hillary. This new catchphrase downplays all the buzzkill over DT Jr. trying to score a little oppo research and chill.

Fake Boos

Everybody loves a sequel. From the maker of “Fake News” comes a new term for anything that’s even slightly critical of Trump’s decision to replace press briefings with ‘Home Alone 2’ screenings.

Muslin Ban

This was created by a typo in a court document. Coincidently, it successfully stops Hobby Lobby’s future smuggling attempts.

Fake Pews

The nickname for any low numbers collected by popularity polling research agencies. Or high numbers displayed on golf score cards and bathroom scales.

Rebel Scum

Let’s call protesters what they are: a bunch of scruffy nerf herders who keep lying about the location of their secret bases/voter registration data centers. Just like “Snowflake” and “Red Pill,” it demonstrates that the alt-right is aware of pop culture…but has no idea what any of it means.

The Kremlin

This is just what Trump calls legal campaign strategists (or so his lawyers tell us).

Suns Out, Guns Out

A fun catchphrase that serves double-duty as the administration’s feelings on climate change and the Second Amendment.

Fake Blues

A title for Democrats who claim to be LIBERAL, but have very STRICT definitions of sexual harassment.


Trump is The Riddler with dyslexia and no endgame. After the success of “Covfefe,” Trump once again passes out on his keyboard to create a word his supporters can interpret to have some deeper meaning, aka “the David Lynch defense.”

Fake Zoos

This is what Trump calls pet stores.

Princess Ivanka

An adorable nickname Donald gave his adult daughter. Also, her new legal title.

But Hillary

Every Trump tweet and spoken sentence ends with an exclamation point. Every defense of his actions from this point on will begin with the phrase, “But Hillary…”

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