Martin Shkreli Character Witnesses Rejected By The Defense

By Martha Stortz | Jun 28, 2017

So far, nearly 250 potential jurors (and counting) have been dismissed from the potential jury pool for Pharma Bro Martin Shkreli‘s fraud trial because the whole world knows what a horrible human he is.

But what about character witnesses? Here’s a look at who the defense is considering putting on the stand.

Childhood Friend

Kim F.–Software salesperson who grew up with Martin. Performed in Pirates of Penzance with M when they were 12 and says he was great at remembering his lines. (Could be good to establish rule-following ability?) Also mentions that he sold Pokémon cards at rehearsal with a 700% markup. Probably shouldn’t use.

College Classmate

Malcolm K.–Was in Astronomy Club with Martin at Baruch College. Claims Martin was really smart and took leadership in a precarious time when part of the club didn’t think Carl Sagan was “cool enough.” Unfortunately, also recalls when another student ran for President of Science Society (it’s a real network there). Martin and David had very different ideologies, but Martin wanted to make amends with David (again, the Sagan thing was quite a debacle) by donating money to his campaign, and David refused. Martin actually punched a hole in the wall after posting about it on MySpace. Shouldn’t use.

Professional Associate

Jordan W.–Fellow hedge fund manager in the early days. Had good things to say about Martin’s work ethic, but also said that M was very possessive over the things he thought were cool. Anytime Blink-182 or Sum 41 came on the radio, he would shout “Mine!” and then grab the stereo and run into the bathroom. Even more weirdly, in secret, he would exclusively listen to Sheryl Crow. Would discard as character witness.

Person Familiar with His LiveJournal

Janet A.–Knew Martin when he was a teen from hanging around the same Wendy’s. Generally positive about him (big plus!) but said he was constantly on LiveJournal until he got banned for writing weird fanfic about other users. Like, really weird. He also created his own pictures of them in MS Paint. Would err on the side of caution and say not to use.

Delivery Food Guy

Anthony O.– Seamless bike courier who delivered Pad Thai to Martin once. Had little to say about him other than a brief comment on his League of Legends bathrobe (“choice”). Knows nothing about him. Seems like the ideal witness; definitely use!!!


Hilarious Right? Follow the Second City For More