Mo Polyak got the great news while riding the school bus.
Pope Benedict stunned the world with the announcement of his retirement. I say good for him. That leads me to think he considers his post more of an actual job than a symbolic position. (It’s odd to me that he is stepping down during Lent but I’ll look past that.) That got me to think that we could use more quality control in religions specifically a type of FDA. I know government regulations aren’t very popular, but before the FDA you could put whatever you wanted into foods and drugs and make outrageous claims about the benefits of ineffective products.
Thanks to the FDA we no longer have cough syrup that contains heroine, nutrition less bread that caused blindness, Zima. The FDA was so effective fast-food franchises had to hire lobbyists and Monsanto had to put an employee on the Supreme Court to combat them. Think of what a Federal Regulatory Agency would find if they took a look at religions; homophobic organizations mislabeled as religions, love of God tainted with fear and intolerance, excessive amounts of ignorance causing false claims of God’s desires. Of course religion is literally too sacred to regulate (unless you’re working from the inside like the Pope.) Too bad. Don’t get me wrong religion brings us lots of good things like…war I guess, but it is still a way to make an easy buck no matter what kind of person you are.
My advice is if you want to be part of God’s plan and partake of his love choose your distributor wisely or go straight to the manufacturer.
Ed Furman is a Second City alumni and a co-founder of the Annoyance Theater. He is a playwright and co-authored the hits Co-ed Prison Slutsand Rod Blagojevich: Superstar.