How Gay Is Your Presidential Candidate?

By The Second City | Mar 1, 2016


Candidate: Bernie Sanders

Why He's Gay: Sanders has most likely rested his little old man head at literally thousands of cozy Vermont B&Bs owned by stout, older lesbian couples who are both named Wendy.

Why He's Not: He dresses like an entire JCPenney suit section fell down a hill; probably thinks 2(X)IST is a section on your W9; knows exactly 0% of the lyrics to Jess Glynne's "Hold My Hand."

Gay-Friendliness: V High

While Sanders didn't officially support gay marriage until 2009 (relatively late in the game, considering that gay humans have been around for literally millions of years), he has consistently voted and spoken out against anti-gay agendas his entire career.

  • Signed a Gay Pride Day declaration in 1983 when he was mayor of Burlington (the town, not the coat factory)
  • Voted against DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) in 1996
  • Opposed Don't Ask Don't Tell from its onset
  • After hearing a Republican use the phrase “homos in the military” out loud in public inside the House of Representatives, shot back with, “You have insulted thousands of men and women who have put their lives on the line”

What Gay Voters Need to Ask: “How should I ejaculate with my sexual partner, Bernie?”

It’s unclear what his stance is on the most divisive, volatile issue facing gay men today: PreP. Does he support using PreP without condoms? PreP plus condoms?

Overall Gay Rating: Proud PFLAG Dad

Next: Hillary Clinton --->

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