No one wants to dance with a flat-chested loser who can’t stop crying about the death of progress!
July 1st is Canada Day. For those of you that don’t know, it’s like a more relaxed version of the 4th of July, where we go to a friend’s cottage, crank a couple of cold ones and then sing “Blue Rodeo” while a buddy tries to light the fireworks we bought out of the trailer of an 18-wheeler on the side of the highway.
After speaking with a friend of mine from the States recently though, I came to realize that even in this age of information, there’s still a lot of false Canadian stereotypes floating around. Such as:
“Do you guys really all live in igloos and travel by dogsled and snowshoe?”
This is, by far, the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. 35% of our country’s population lives further south than Maine, Vermont and New Hampshire. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we’ve NEVER slept in an igloo or hitched up 8 huskies in the dead of winter. I’m just saying most of us haven’t HAD to.
“You guys suck at every sport but Hockey.”
We have 1 of 30 NBA teams and we made the playoffs this past year. We have 1 of 30 MLB teams and are currently sitting in the top 5 overall teams. Looking at those ratios, I’d say we’re doing pretty well. But yes, we love hockey almost as much as we love being amazing at it.
“I heard everyone in Canada is a Pot Head.”
You’re the ones who legalized it. We just enjoy it from time to time.
“Everyone in Canada is an Anti-War.”
Okay… in World War 2, we were faster to act against the Nazis than the U.S. at the time. Fact. Nowadays, we believe that a lot more people benefit from diplomatic solutions because that way, half of the people involved in the conversation aren’t dead by the time it’s over.
“Does the CFL Even Compare to the NFL?”
While my instinct is to debate this one, I can’t defend the CANADIAN Football League, after the Baltimore Stallions won the Grey Cup in 1995. I’ll give you this one.
“What do Canadians have Against Religion?”
There are a lot of people in Canada that believe in God. But we ALL believe he wouldn’t bother wasting his time with something silly like “politics.”
“Do Canadians Hate Americans?”
We don’t hate you. We just think of you as the really annoying neighbor who never shuts up… but you also host amazing BBQs, so we do what we can to make it work.
Happy Canada Day!
Paul “PK” Kingston is an Actor/Writer/Comedian who teaches Youth/Teen classes at The Second City Training Centre in Toronto, Canada. Follow him on Twitter: @PaulPKKingston.