8 simple ways to prove you’re the godless heathen they’ve always known you to be.
We rounded up the saddest Tweets from around the nation this weekend. Lets see if your life was pitiful enough to make the final cut.
And the winers are…
“OH YEAH! Guess whose Step Dad came home early with KFC! OH NO! ALSO! Guess who was watching Anime Porn when he walked in!”
#EpicJackSession #Mac&Cheese #ThingsToTalkAboutInTherapy”
“B-FML! Did I really just get dumped on a text WHILE getting pulled over on my way to my niece’s cat’s funeral?
#restinpeaceMrSkittles #facepalm #3rdStrike #Ozzie”
“To the lady who got me fired from my job at Fashion Bug. You’re right. I DID ‘fart all up on the scarf’ you bought. And, no, I CAN’T help it. Next time it WILL be on purpose.
#regret nothing #hatersgonnahate #cuervosundaynight”
Barry Hite has performed sketch and improv at Chicago Sketch Fest, Just For Laughs, iO, UCB, and Rahm Emanuel’s Inauguration. He is currently a staff writer for the Onion’s live sketch show. His first one-man show, So Very Important, was a Time Out Critics Pick. His second solo show debuted at Chicago Sketch Fest and will open later this year. He is a writer for the Second City Network. “Select credits include: Family Tree House Boat Accident, DBaG, and Holy F#ck Comedy Hour. He is an alum of the Second City Touring Company.