It’s been rough for white pop culture recently what with the Coen brothers’ movie performing poorly at the box office…
Perhaps you’ve heard the news–The U.S. Department of the Treasury is throwing women everywhere a bone by putting a woman on the $10 Bill…in 2020. This new lady bill (not to be confused with any abortion bills) will be an addition to the already existing Alexander Hamilton bills. In order to exercise my voice as a lady constituent, I’d like to throw a few lady names into the lady hat for this historic lady $10 bill.
A Lady Teacher
Any lady teacher would do. From Miss Bliss to that leather jacket-wearing Michelle Pfieffer in Dangerous Minds, I think it’s about time we start appreciating lady teachers where it counts. Don’t worry about extra assistance; that’s not important. What they want is equal representation–on a paper bill. Let’s give it to them!
Lady bosses are few and far between. If a lady has broken through the glass ceiling to be in charge of other people, then she deserves to be the face of the cash in our pockets. She’s an enigma. She’s a creature of mythical proportions. A unicorn, if you will. Mayhaps a mermaid? Whatever you call a Lady Boss, let’s all agree she’s worthy of at least ten bucks.
Your Lunch Lady
Being a lunch lady sucks. Except for Tacos Tuesdays. Give her something to look forward to while she counts that change.
Poker Face? If I had any cash, I’d bet on her. Lady Gaga is a national treasure that’s slowly becoming irrelevant, so she definitely needs to be the face of everything we have in our pockets. The ten-dollar bill is just the beginning. Gaga should be on your keys, your iPhone, your cheap phone, your wallet, your tampon, your maxi pad, your condom, your prayer card…
She’s young, smart, black and has really great hair. More importantly, Jessica got it right when she said she’d rather be paid “ten full Hamilton dollars than eight dollars and 45 cents of lady bucks.” What is this you speak of, Jessica? Equal pay? Now that’s an idea I can get behind, and for that, Lady Williams–you deserve to be the face of this new lady bill.