Enough of the silent majority; it’s time for an obnoxiously loud minority.
Girl Meets World opened the door; Fuller Fucking House wandered through. But why stop there? Keep these next generation sequels coming! You grew up with them—now they’re out of work and want to cash in on their former television glory. And hey, if TV is going to be lazy and derivative, let’s at least be transparent about it and do it right.
Saved by the SMS
This Saved by the Bell reboot centers around Zach Morris’ charming daughter (and schemer), Mack, played by Game of Thrones’ Maisie Williams. She attends Bayside High, now a Montessori-style school where Screech (Dustin Diamond) inexplicably lives. A.C. Slater’s daughter Macy (played by GoT Sansa) comes to live with the Morris family (who we never see), while her father (who we never see) is on the wrestling circuit.
Fun Update: Mack is always wheeling and dealing on her invisible space phone and temporarily freezes the characters by swiping the screen and talking directly to viewers who can then SMS in their votes for what to do next!
Recurring: Fashion-obsessed Lisa Turtle (Lark Voorhies) and feminist Jessie Spano (Elizabeth Berkley) are now a couple (we all knew, right?) and have turned The Max into a vegan restaurant where the kids all hang. Tori Spelling reprises her role as nerdy Violet. She’s just supposed to just be a guest star, but she shows up a lot and won’t leave.
Family Matters Most
In this long-awaited update of Family Matters, Laura is married to Steve Urkel—but Steve has a secret. He cloned himself and runs a detective agency with his alter egos: Stephan Urquelle, Urkel Bot, Bruce Lee Urkel and Elvis Urkel. He is constantly coming up with new spy gear inventions, and each week is a new case utilizing one of the clones’ strengths…all the while trying to keep their secret from Laura.
School for Slayers
Buffy the Vampire Slayer has started a School for Potentials with Xander (Nicholas Brendon), who lost his legs in a battle with a black widow beast and is now in a wheel chair… and also he…is… bald.
Crossover Episode: Xander is put under a sleep spell by a murderous monster student and wakes up as FBI technical analyst Kevin Lynch on Criminal Minds. In order to wake up for real, he must solve the case.
There are probably a lot of episodes about zombies and technology.
Clueless is back!!!! And finds that Cher and her step-brother Josh have finally gotten together after each of their separate failed marriages. She has a teen named Josh, a charismatic football fanatic; he has a daughter named Cher, an avid online activist. They live in the same house in Portland where they’ve relocated, and DO NOT get along.
Cameos: Paul Rudd guests as Josh, Cher’s ex and new teen Cher’s biological father. Alicia Silverstone guests as Cher, new Josh’s bio mom and Josh’s ex on the episode “Josh and Cher Squared.” Josh and Cher fall in love with each other and move in. Josh and Cher have a falling out and break up. Will Josh and Cher ever be together? And what about Josh and Cher? Wackiness ensues as they/we never know who is talking to whom. Modern-day Brady Bunch.
Suburbia Crossover: Because Elton from Clueless. And because bring back that show.
Jaden and Willow of West Philly
Now, this is a story all about how our lives got flip-turned upside down
And we’d like to take a minute so listen, really.
We’ll tell you how we became Jaden & Willow stuck in West Philly
In Los Angeles, Cali, born and raised…
In the spotlight is where we spent most of our days.
Making clothing lines in the Pursuit of Happyness.
When a couple of paparazzi trying to cause strife
Started taking pics of our private life.
An emancipation request; mom wanted to kill me!
She said, “You’re moving in with Will’s parents in West Philly.”
Doogie Howser, M.D. MC
We find Doogie still in Rome working as a nightclub singer and blogging about how difficult it is to be an aging cabaret artist.
Freaks and Geeks
It’s exactly the same. This show is perfect and timeless.
I look forward to watching all of these. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go watch the Married… with Children reboot: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.
Andel Sudik has performed improv at iO, the Playground and the Annoyance and sketch comedy at Second City on a cruise ship, in theatricals, with the National Touring Company and on the e.t.c. stage. She is an alumni of Boom Chicago in Amsterdam, currently teaches sketch and improv in Chicago and occasionally writes things while looking out her window at the lake. Follow her on Twitter @AndelSudik or check out her website andelsudik.com.