Diet articles in every transmission from Mars? Nope.
New Year’s Eve is nearly here, and we at The Second City want to make sure that each and every one of you get kissed (at the very least) at midnight.
Here are our ultimate pick-up lines. You’re welcome.
“I haven’t been to Times Square since they cleaned it up, but you remind me of one of those old hookers.” -Michael Lehrer, e.t.c Ensemble Member
“If you had to pick, which roofie flavor would you say is your favorite?” -Eileen Montelione, SCN Contributor
“On a scale of 1 to 10, you’re a 9. I’m the 1 you need.” -Will Allen, Staff Accountant
“If you get me in before the end of the year, you can write it off.” -Scott Morehead, Second City Touring Company
“Boy, they call me Mike Tyson– because when I’m done with you, you’re gonna need a New Ear.” -Punam Patel, e.t.c. Ensemble Member
“Are you drunk yet?” -Katie Tyner, Manager
“Now that I have Obamacare, I will go get tested as much as you want.’ -Andrew Thorp, Second City Training Center
“Babe, do you wanna avoid all the bullshit hustle and bustle and eat chicken wings in bed this year?” SOMEONE PLEASE SAY THAT TO ME. -Nikki Pierce, SCN Contributor
“Would you like to discuss World Affairs… our just ours?” -Kevin Frank, Artistic Director, Toronto Training Centre
“My New Year’s resolution is to get fewer restraining orders put on me. What’s yours?” -Neal Dandade, Second City Touring Company
“Baby, let me get yo number real quick before I don’t want it anymore.” -Jenny Dey, Bartender
“At midnight, how would you like to go somewhere and feel my ball drop?” -Patrick Rowland Second City Mainstage Understudy/SCN Contributor
“Who else you gon’ kiss tonight?” -Rich Alfonso, SCN Contributor
“You have food in your teeth. Here, I’ll get it.” (Sticks fingers in her mouth.) -Aaron Sjoholm Training Center Operations Manager/Teacher
“What’s up, baby? You into chicks who only shave their legs from the knee down?” -Rachel LaForce, Second City Touring Company
“I’ve got a party hat. Wanna be a noisemaker?” -Klaus Schuller, Executive Director, Second City Toronto
“Books are great. Book me for sex.” -Chris Redd (as LeVar Burton from Reading Rainbow), Second City Touring Company
“Is that a shovel in your pants? Because I’m digging that ass.” -Julie Cortese, Server
“Damn, girl! You look like Tina Fey. What are you drinkin’, Bossypants?” -Lexi Notabartolo, Second City Hollywood
Looking to make New Year’s Eve plans that are GUARANTEED* to get you smooched at midnight? Celebrate with The Second City in Chicago or Toronto!
*Smooching not guaranteed.