The Red Line Where the cars are more crowded than a Hot Doug’s surprise one-day-only re-opening and the smells are…
Find out which event going on in Chicago this weekend is the right way to spend your time.
1. Do you most enjoy:
a) Hearing about your best gal’s boyfriend troubles
b) Hearing about your best guy’s galfriend troubles
c) Yelling “what?” as your best friend tries to tell you their troubles
2. What’s your poison?
3. Is your spirit animal…
a) A unicorn
b) A Dachshund
c.) Mosquito bites
4. Your celebrity best friend would be…
a) Lena Dunham
b) Nathan Fillion
c) The Diva Cup
5. Your dream city is…
6. If you were going to murder someone, would you…
a) Stab them over and over, because that’s what it felt like when they broke your heart
b) Do it Hannibal-style– paired with a nice vanilla porter
c) Throw them off the party boat you rented
7. Which do you think is a Taylor Swift hit?
a) “Fig Mountain Davy”
b) “Lukcy Basartd”
c) “Sky Hag”
8. What type of music do you listen to?
a) Country pop
c) Anything unintelligible
9. You like…
a) The simple things in life
b) Impressing people with your knowledge of hops and whhhheat
c) Smelling weed and seeing bohos bearing buttcracks
10. Are you a/n…
a) Teenage girl
If you answered mostly A:
Giiiiiirl, you are just the cutest. Kim said what? She’s a bitch. I’m not inviting her Taylor Swift this weekend. TTYL!
If you answered mostly B:
The Chicago Craft Beer Festival is for you. What makes it a festival and not just day-drinking in a parish parking lot? It’s summer! Everything is a festival! Last week, I took the CTA Festival to my Work Festival and then grabbed a bite at the The Bar Across the Street Festival.
If you answered mostly C:
Pull up those cut off shorts, hydrate and head to Pitchfork. It’s time to make some lifelong friends for the day while you get vomit between your sandaled toes. Go for the music; stay for the crowds standing in between you and the music.
Andel Sudik has performed improv at iO, the Playground and the Annoyance and sketch comedy at Second City on a cruise ship, in theatricals, with the National Touring Company and on the e.t.c. stage. Follow her on Twitter @AndelSudik or check out her website andelsudik.com.