You Have No Idea How Badass These Congressional Democrats Really Are

By The Second City | Jun 22, 2016

Dozens of Congressional Democrats are staging a sit-in of the House of Representatives today to protest and demand action on gun control legislation. What these lawmakers are doing is moving and important, but above all, distinctly badass.

However, did you know that Congressional Dems have been badass for years? Not content to pass laws and take names, many have been mixing it up since the Johnson administration.

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Senator Barbara Boxer (D-CA)

Used to ride with an all-female motorcycle club called The Lib-Bitches.

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Senator Patrick Leahy (D-VT)

Once wrestled a bear using only his eyes, sans glasses. He won.

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Senator Claire McCaskill (D-MO)

Swam the Missouri River in February of 1997 wearing only a bikini that said, “Fair Laws, Hot Mamas.”

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Rep. Gerry Connolly (D-VA)

Didn’t copy his mustachioed look from Tom Selleck. Tom Selleck copied Gerry Connolly.

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Rep. Jerrold Nadler (D-NY)

Politico quoted him as saying the House "is drenched in blood, and the only way we can cleanse it is if the Speaker of the House allows us to vote on this legislation." Although not widely reported, Rep. Nadler is a wizard trained in blood magic, so he should know.

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Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-FL)

Has ridden every ride at all seventeen of Orlando’s theme parks in one day without yakking. Not even a little bit in his mouth.

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Rep. Mike Doyle (D-PA)

Is from Pittsburgh. That alone is a really hard thing to be, and he’s just done a great job dealing with that.

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Rep. John Lewis (D- GA)

Iconic civil rights activist; marched with Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. at Selma; was one of the Freedom Riders who registered African-Americans to vote in the segregated South at great personal risk; Chairman of the Student Nonviolent Coordinating Committee (SNCC). The most badass of all-- and this is just one in a series of courageous (and hopefully, effective) protests he has led.

Your move, Republicans. Your move.

*All badass activities, besides those of Representative Lewis, are fictional--but highly plausible--given the level of badassery displayed today.

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Amy Young is an improviser, actress and writer based in Chicago.

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