Dear Poor and Indigent of Brazil I write you this letter from a position of great concern upon my Novus…
SCN’s online dating experts, Carol & Dan, are back with another heaping helping of their A+ love advice.
Dear Carol & Dan,
I just joined an online dating website. I spent hours answering the profile questions so they truly reflect my personality. At the end of it all, I realized a series of quiz-like questions. I started answering them, but they just go on and on. My question is: how important are these quizzes in matching me with my potential partner? And can you help me know the right answers to choose?
We’ve received this question several times over the years. So much so that we’ve developed our own quiz as a guide. I’m hoping my article below will help you. Originally published on page 73 in the middle of the advertising sections of the Des Moines Detail, I present to you “The Most Important Quiz of Your Life.” Hope it helps!
The Most Important Quiz of Your Life
By: Carol McEnany
So, you’re looking for a match in this crazy world of online dating. You’ve filled out your profile, posted your pic, congratulated yourself with a nice Franzia wine. You did it! Now comes the most important part. Answering the questions in the personality quiz section.
Online dating sites use algorithms to design advanced matching systems based on you, and what you find important.
Think it’s no big deal that you slightly prefer Pepsi over Coke? WRONG! It’s a huge deal and could eventually lead to divorce down the line.
The importance of a personality quiz can NOT be underestimated. The answers you choose WILL determine your future partner, self-esteem, career success, and the number of children you may or may not give birth to, how many wrinkles you’ll have, and whether or not you’ll be able to afford the new iPhone 6.
Sounds daunting, huh? Don’t worry. We’ve devised a quiz for you that will solve everything. The results from this quiz will determine whether or not you are truly ready for the online dating world. If you are, Happy Quizzing! You’re ready to dive into the dating pool. Literally.
But don’t dive on top of me or Dan. We’re no longer swimming. We’re taken. With each other. Haha! Ha, ha, ha, ha! HA! HA!
Let’s be real.
You may have the urge to lie or fudge the truth in order to appear like you’re a better person or the person you want to be. DON’T DO IT! The truth with eventually come out in the end. And one false answer could pair you up with your polar opposite in life. And that would lead to misery.
Be yourself. Be honest. And everything will be fine.
We’re not trying to scare you. That’s not our style. We’ve just BEEN THERE, DONE THAT! Haha! LOL. Hehe. LOL! And don’t want you to have a DD (Dating Disaster!)
Ok. Ok. We get it, Carol and Dan. We. Get. It. Where is this quiz.
Hahaha. You’re right. No more waiting. Here’s the quiz. Be sure to answer ALL the questions accurately.
THE MOST IMPORTANT QUIZ OF YOUR LIFE
1. Regardless of your future plans, what’s more interesting to you right now?
A) Casual sex
B) Relationships that involve conversation
CONGRATULATIONS! You finished the quiz.
If you answered A: You are primed and ready for the world of online dating. Get ready for an inbox overflowing with messages. We hope you were honest with your answer, because if not, you’re going to get hurt. Big time. Happy Casual Sexing… er, dating.
If you answered B: We’re really sorry to inform you but the world of online dating is not for you. No matter how many people say they are looking for relationships, data shows that people who check this box receive zero to 1% of all messages. Sorry. Online dating is just not that into you. We recommending deleting your account now or reevaluating what you truly desire in life.
Robyn Norris is a co-writer of the hit show Undateable, running now at Second City Hollywood every Friday night at 9PM. Celebrating its one year anniversary, Undateable has received rave reviews from audiences and critics alike and is entering its 4th extension through August.