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Cabinet Appointees Hillary Clinton Could Really Not Go Wrong With

By The Second City, Julie Marchiano | May 16, 2016

Recently, presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton promised that, if elected, she would appoint a Cabinet composed of at least 50% women. A fun spin on Mitt Romney’s 2012 “binders full of women,” Hillary’s cabinet full of women, if realized, will be record-setting, passing the 41% precedent set by her husband during his second term.

So, who will fill out the former First Lady’s advisory board if she’s elected? We could make some educated guesses, but here are some fun suggestions we might personally email to HRod:

bey

Vice President Beyoncé Knowles-Carter

Has a nice ring to it, huh? In the event that the president is no longer able to serve, she will be replaced by the VP, and who better to have second in command than the Queen Bey herself? She’s strong, smart, (Sasha) fierce, and, after listening to Lemonade, seems to have a lot in common with Hillary.

michelle

Secretary of State Michelle Obama

Who can promote prosperity and happiness between nations more successfully than Michelle Obama? That lady is a goddess, and if her smarts and beauty can’t coerce peace, her triceps sure as hell can. Also, let’s just agree from now on to appoint the Obamas to every cabinet forever so they can NEVER LEAVE US.

rupaul

Secretary of the Interior RuPaul

Because “if you don’t love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” Is that the interior we’re talking about?

tabasco-main

Secretary of Agriculture Tabasco

It’s not pandering if she moves the hot sauce from her bag into her Cabinet.

suze

Secretary of the Treasury Suze Orman

This b*tch could scare anyone into getting their finances in order, and we know the US could stand to save a few Tubmans. Also, like Clinton, she was first in the public eye back in the ‘90’s! Neat!

Sheva-LaverneCox

Secretary of Education Laverne Cox

MAYBE SHE AND ATTORNEY GENERAL LORETTA LYNCH CAN GO DOWN TO NORTH CAROLINA AND “TEACH” THOSE F*CKS A THING OR TWO, YEAH?

monica

Secretary of Labor Monica Lewinsky

Keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I’m kidding. Homegirl was manipulated by the PRESIDENT and deserves a shot at a legitimate career that doesn’t involve reality television or hawking diet programs.

lin

Secretary of Commerce Lin-Manuel Miranda

A-Ham himself knows better than anyone how to sell a product that the masses will completely devour. Yeah, he’s a man, but she only said 50%– and Hamilton was in charge of a trading charter at the age of fourteen, so I’m SURE LMM would not only be able to handle it but would also not throw away his shot at this chance to WORK, WORK!

Sorry, I left my Hamilton keyboard on.

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Julie Marchiano is a ‘Hamilton’ aficionado, and 1/6th of the cast of The Second City e.t.c.’s 40th Revue, A Red Line Runs Through It. Follow along @juliemarchiano.

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