With temperatures in Chicago rising and then falling and then rising again spring must finally be here–and nothing says spring…
It’s Cubs season in Chicago, which can only mean one thing: Strangers want to pay me lots of money to stay in my guest room a few blocks away from Wrigley Field. What could go wrong?
The following dos & don’ts are completely true things I’ve learned while being an AirBnB host. Please take them into consideration before opening your own home up to any potential orgy and/or brothel activity.
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DO: Keep your personal things locked away. Seriously. Those old Vicodin from your root canal will disappear.
DON’T: Use your hairbrush ever again after you find it in your guest’s luggage.
DO: Put nice chocolates on the pillows before guests arrive.
DON’T: Try too hard to determine the origin of the brown stains on your sheets.
DO: Make sure your profile picture is an accurate representation of you and your home.
DON’T: “No, the ‘Caitlin’ we are looking for was skinny in her picture and wasn’t in a multiracial relationship…”
DO: Tell your guests that you and your boyfriend are performers. Sign autographs when they ask.
DON’T: Don’t invite them to your improv show, where they quickly learn your autograph is worth nothing.
DO: Have a beer with your guests! Learn about where they are from, and find out what makes them interesting.
DON’T: Be too polite. You need to be able to cut someone off when they talk about their squash blog for 2 hours.
DO: Ignore it when you overhear a couple getting it on. They are on vacation!
DON’T: Get bitter when hosting affects your own sex life. Cause it will. Man, condo walls are thin.
DO: Keep things guests leave behind. You’ll look like a world traveler with your Chinese coin purse full of Canadian loonies and toonies.
DON’T: Offer to mail forgotten items to guests. The line at the post office sucks when you are trying to mail Charlotte’s missing slipper to Charlotte, North Carolina.
DO: Make money.
DON’T: Get murdered.
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Caitlin Costello is an alum of Second City Theatricals where she performed aboard the Norwegian Star. She is a graduate of the Second City Conservatory and iO Chicago. Currently, you can see her perform with Back Room Shakespeare Project and Storytown. She a teacher, director and (unpaid) dancer.