I only want the best for my daughter, and as a straight, white man, she’ll be set for life…
Sunday night is Oscar night! It’s the biggest event of the year for the silver screen’s best and brightest, but that doesn’t mean the stars should have all the fun.
Stock up on booze and make the most of the evening with The Second City Network’s Academy Awards Drinking Game.
Ready… set… sip.
Whenever someone mentions Leonardo DiCaprio: TAKE A SIP
Whenever the camera cuts to Leonardo DiCaprio: TAKE A DRINK
If Ellen DeGeneres makes a joke about Leonardo DiCaprio in her opening monologue: TAKE A DRINK
Whenever Leonardo DiCaprio smiles: TAKE TWO SIPS
Whenever Leonardo DiCaprio smiles, but it’s kind of a “secret smile,” like he’s communicating to you– and you alone– to say, “Hey, I think we’d be great friends:” TAKE TWO DRINKS
Whenever Leonardo DiCaprio is shown having a good time with someone who isn’t you: TAKE A DRINK AND THROW BOTTLE AT T.V.
If Leonardo DiCaprio wins the Oscar for Best Actor: CHUG CHAMPAGNE AND WRITE ANOTHER LETTER TO HIM TO CONGRATULATE HIM AND MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE THIS TIME SO THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR HIM TO NOT WRITE BACK.
If Leonardo DiCaprio doesn’t win the Oscar for Best Actor: CHUG CHAMPAGNE AND WRITE ANOTHER LETTER TO HIM TO CONSOLE HIM AND MAKE SURE YOU INCLUDE A SELF-ADDRESSED STAMPED ENVELOPE THIS TIME SO THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR HIM TO NOT WRITE BACK.
If Leonardo DiCaprio mentions wanting to hang out with you in his acceptance speech: TAKE A SIP AND PLAY IT COOL. YOU DON’T WANT TO COME ACROSS AS DESPERATE.