Should you fail to attend the gift exchange, you can expect your employment to be immediately terminated. Get excited, ladies!
You guys, we did it!
We survived the Winter of 2014. Remember when we were all trapped in our houses during Polar Vortex I & II? Remember how March happened, and we were all like, there’s no possible way that it can snow again in March because March is not a month when it snows but then it did snow again and again and again and we all questioned whether or not living was worth it anymore?
GUYS! It’s all over!
I’m pretty sure things are on the up and up for all of us. However, there are a lot of naysayers who question how long us Winter Complainers can go without finding fault in its hotter, prettier sister— Spring. Sure, each season has its drawbacks, but here are the 8 things about Spring that I’m willing to forgive because I’m just so happy that I can feel my toes again.
Hey, guy who only ever seems to be repairing the wall outside of MY window at home from April to September: go on with your bad self! Wake me up at 7 AM everyday! I’ll be so thankful to see the sun that I won’t even question why you’re constantly drilling the brick that’s three feet away from my earhole.
“Life’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey. And sometimes that journey is really bumpy, dangerous, and makes you spill hot coffee all over your nethers.” Pretty sure that’s how that quote goes.
If I run into you when you stop abruptly on the sidewalk to figure out where you’re going/what planet you’re on, I’ll take it as a sign to stop more often and look quizzically into the sun, too.
5. My Boyfriend’s Crippling Seasonal Allergies
Baby, mouth breathe on me all you want at night. Remember how I didn’t shave my legs and wore fleece bodysuits all winter? We’re even now! Besides, I think solo picnics in the park or buying myself flowers is just as romantic.
Fuck it, I’ll WALK everywhere!
3. Cubs Fans
It’s my fault for living so close to Wrigley, guys! Go on, have fun! Puke at 11 AM. Blast country music and Top 40. Take your pants off like your mascot.
2. Divvy Bike Riders
My anger towards you stems from the fact that I personally didn’t learn how to ride a bike until I was like, eight years old, and that I haven’t really ridden once since, and now that I have acknowledged that, we can coexist. Also, wear a helmet. Also, get off of Lake Shore Drive.