No one wants to dance with a flat-chested loser who can’t stop crying about the death of progress!
This critique came after Streep offered a few pointed opinions about The Donald during the Golden Globes. She devalued the important political move of bullying and basically said our next president will make our lives difficult. You know what I found difficult? Getting through “Silkwood,” and that’s because President-elect Trump is right.
Meryl Streep is overrated, and here are six reasons why:
1. She has too much range
To paraphrase my favorite Ayn Rand story “The Incredibles,” when you can play every role, you can’t play any!
Sylvester Stallone is a great actor because whether he’s a boxer, a cop, or a different boxer, you never forget he’s Sylvester Stallone. Meryl Streep loses herself (and my interest) in her parts. In 2015, she played a very poor woman who was great at singing in “Ricki and the Flash.” Last year, she played a very rich woman who was terrible at singing! Which is it, Meryl? You’re making it difficult for me to marginalize you.
(Although it’s not much of a stretch to go from a female politician to a child-stealing witch, amiright?)
2. She’s aged out of relevance
Goldie Hawn once said there are only three ages for women in Hollywood: “babe, district attorney, and ‘Driving Miss Daisy.’” Setting aside the fact that Streep basically personified all three of these at once in “The Iron Lady,” the nineteen-time Oscar nominee needs to recognize rules exists for a reason.
The time to have an opinion about the world around you is when you’re a young, attractive actress, because everybody cares about everything you do, wear, date and say. Well, not “say” so much, but provided you take Donald Trump’s advice and have large breasts, you can post your opinions on your t-shirts and let gossip magazines spread your thoughts and ideas.
3. “Mamma Mia” barely made me cry
I’m just saying. When Donna slowly warms to the idea of recapturing her youth during “Dancing Queen,” I *should* begin to well up during the initial chorus and full-on bawl once she truly finds her voice.
I shed one, maybe two, tears during her rendition…and only had 8 out of 10 toes tapping.
4. She’s rich and hypocritical
For somebody who claims to not support conservative bullies and abusers, it’s interesting that Meryl Streep got her career started thanks to movies where men hunt deer and Woody Allen hunts teenagers. There is no reason for her to be worried about Trump’s presidency, because she’s a wealthy white person that’s too old to be objectified or use Planned Parenthood. These are the people who are going to come out fine in the next four years. So stop whining.
I know some actors use silly little tricks like “empathy” to appear interesting, but there is a time to leave the office at the office.
5. She’s no comedian
She said it wasn’t funny when Donald mocked a disabled reporter, but Streep made “She-Devil” with Roseanne Barr, so…
6. Celebrities don’t understand politics
It’s tough when the people who make your movies and music don’t agree with your politics. It forces you to decide between the entertainment that makes you happy and the values that make you strong. It’s like choosing between your children. It’s a real…I don’t know…something.
It would be easier if celebrities didn’t talk about issues they didn’t have all the facts on.
That’s why I’m starting a petition to keep entertainers out of U.S. issues and offices.
If you want to stop people who have stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame from participating in our government, whether they be award-winning actresses or non-award-winning reality TV show hosts, sign the Change.org petition right now.
C.J. Tuor is a frequent contributor to The Second City Network. He is a founding member of “Hitch*Cocktails” at The Annoyance Theater and “Clued In: An Improvised Murder Mystery” at Judy’s Beat Lounge.